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Holistic Divorce Holistic Mediation Holistic Philosophy Law Practice

Embracing the Not Knowing and the Transformative Potential in Conflict

holistic divorce lawyer

Pervasive conditioning from early development commonly instills a belief in the need to maintain a clearly identified direction in which our lives are headed.  The thought or concept of “not knowing” is simply not looked upon favorably in schools, the workplace, or families of origin.  Most of us can reflect back on our lives and glean the extensive amount of time and energy we have expended in trying to project the impression of being “in control” of our life direction despite several unforeseen events or outcomes that profoundly altered or changed this direction as it unfolded over time.

Legal issues, and conflict in general, involve situations that tend to rattle the foundations of lives that we came to believe we “knew” to be secure and predictable.  One of two basic orientations can be adopted when confronted with such situations.  First, one can simply try to deny the existence of these situations and do whatever he or she can to make these situations go away as quickly as possible.  The other approach is to consciously open to the unknown, seizing this opportunity to let go of our conditioned notions of how things should be, or need to be, and simply embrace what is.

This latter orientation is not one of passivity.  Rather it represents a very conscious effort to more meaningfully connect with reality, no matter how painful.  It is within this connection that we can begin to experience the freedom inherent in embracing the unknown.  In letting go the need for certainty and predictability, we open to an entirely new range of possibilities.

When facing legal issues or conflict, it is paradoxically the openness to not knowing that allows parties to move beyond egoic self-interest and access a deeper wisdom within which optimal solutions to conflict can be identified.

A holistic lawyer with extensive mindfulness training can work with clients to cultivate this openness to not knowing.  In so doing, clients can identify approaches to the resolution of conflict that they simply would not have previously considered.  To learn more about holistic law and the integration of mindfulness in law practice, visit http://www.Holistic-Lawyer.com, or contact Holistic Lawyer Mike Lubofsky at (415) 508-6263.

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Law Practice Mindfulness

Legal Problems as Opportunities for Transformation

For most of us, feelings of “happiness” or “well-being” are to some extent a function of  life situations more or less conforming to preconceived notions of how life “should” be.  Such notions often include ways in which people behave towards us, together with thought-driven notions of how we need to be perceived in the minds of significant others and society at large.

Certain situations become “legal problems” when they violate these preconceived notions and internalized expectations as to how events should or should not unfold.  When these expectations are violated, most of us feel threatened and manifest some need for acknowledgment and validation that the action or inaction that has caused us harm was “wrong” by general societal standards.

There is a basic notion of “justice” that if certain societal notions of justice are violated, then the offender should compensate the “victim” to make that person whole.  But this overriding goal of restitution often becomes subordinate to vindication of the threat to one’s “happiness” brought on by these unexpected events or outcomes.

In this way, legal problems present us with valuable opportunities to more directly confront, and ultimately come to understand, our underlying expectations of how life should unfold.  Once these preconceived notions are more clearly identified, they can – perhaps for the first time – become appreciated more for what they are, i.e., mere thoughts.  These thoughts can then be differentiated form a felt connection to present-moment reality, thus providing a heightened sense of freedom from learned conditioning and habitual reactions.  In this way, legal problems may often serve as prime opportunities for personal transformation.

To learn more about holistic law practice, please contact Holistic Lawyer Michael Lubofsky, either by visiting http://www.Holistic-Lawyer.com, or by calling (415) 508-6263.

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Holistic Philosophy Law Practice Meditation for Lawyers Mindfulness

The Critical Role of Mindfulness in Dealing with Legal Issues

Mindfulness in general, and meditation practice in particular, serves to more firmly ground one in present-moment experience apart from thought-driven notions of how things need to be different than how they are in order to be “happy.”  It is the very thought that things can be any different than they are in reality that is misguided and at the root of much suffering and unhappiness.

Mindfulness in Law PracticeA similarly misguided expectation, however, is that dedicated mindfulness practice can successfully insulate us from any existential pain that appears inherent in the human condition.  Sickness, aging, and death may lie at one end of the spectrum, while more innocuous conditions such as boredom may lie at another end.  These conditions are inevitable; but the thought-driven notions of how these conditions should not exist in the first place are illusory and are what precipitate suffering on top of the inevitable challenges of reality.

Legal issues seem to trigger a range of painful experience. As with most experiences that lead to suffering, fear is often the underlying antecedent of the suffering.  In most cases, however, this fear arises out of a thought-driven layer imposed on a condition existing in reality.  The challenge, both for attorneys and clients embroiled in conflict, is to remain open to and accepting of the actual situation in realty without becoming hooked by conditioned thought and/or judgements about the situation.

The ability to remain grounded in our experience without becoming hooked by our intellectual processing of that experience lies at the heart of mindfulness practice, and is critical for clients and attorneys trying to successfully navigate challenging life situations.

In the throes of legal issues or conflict, the cultivation of this ability, or lack thereof, will largely determine one’s ability to identify optimal solutions to often complicated issues.  To the extent that one has become hijacked by his or her thoughts in response to a given scenario, behaviors and decisions are likely to become oriented towards allaying some subconscious fear, usually related to one’s ego.  Because of the largely illusory roots of such fears, decisions and behaviors based on motivations springing from these roots will prove largely unsatisfactory, and produce less than optimal solutions for all directly or indirectly impacted by the way in which the conflict is ultimately resolved.

Thus, the ability to identify and implement optimal behaviors in response to everyday life situations in general, and legal issues or conflict in particular, is critical for happiness and demands a high degree of consciousness cultivated through sustained mindfulness practice.

More often than not, when a client comes to an attorney for advice or representation, he or she is at least partially ensnared by underlying conditioning and disconnected from present-moment reality (i.e., the reality is that he or she is caught in learned conditioning or fear, which are real, but usually not based in present-moment reality).  The goal of holistic law practice is to first help the client identify this conditioning so that he or she can then consciously disidentify from that conditioning and more meaningfully connect with what is really going on.  In so doing, the client becomes far more able to let go of unwarranted fear and become, in general, less reactive to the situation.  In becoming less reactive, he or she begins to open to a far more broad range of approaches to potentially resolve the conflict.

To learn more about the benefits of holistic law practice as a client, contact Holistic Lawyer Mike Lubofsky at (415) 508-6263, or visit http://www.Holistic-Lawyer.com.  If you are an attorney interested in how to integrate mindfulness in law practice, visit http://www.mindfulaw.com.

 

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Holistic Philosophy Law Practice Mindfulness

The Challenge of Holistic Law Practice

In working with clients to break through learned conditioning and habitual reactions that have led to, or exacerbated, legal disputes, holistic law strives to tap into the inner wisdom of participants as the primary source of optimal solutions.  In orienting the identification of solutions towards clients, holistic law presents a fundamental challenge to the entrenched paradigm in which clients primarily look to the attorney for answers and solutions.

In addition to the client-centric solution focus, holistic law practice presents a serious challenge to the livelihood of many attorneys who have made their living as advocates within an adversarial system.  Given this direct challenge, it should be expected that the holistic law movement will be met with formidable resistance from the predominant legal establishment.

For the first time, however, there is an emerging segment of the public that has engaged in mindfulness training and practice, and has come to experience and appreciate their inner wisdom apart from their learned conditioning.  Thus, conditions now exist for a shift away from the adversarial model, and towards a more client-centric or holistic model of law practice.

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Holistic Mediation Mediation

Mediation: Often Not Just the Best Solution, the Only Solution

Defensive and aggressive reactions to conflict most often arise because of an inability to be heard and understood. At the heart of most conflict lies some core issue that, if recognized, acknowledged, and explored, would provide the seed for peaceful, optimal resolution, truly in the best interests of the parties and more broad societal context in which they live. Often, the failure to identify and explore these core issues will keep the parties locked into a dualistic, adversarial posture that will serve to escalate the conflict.

Whether a conflict involves one spouse not taking out the trash, a neighbor making too much noise, or a violent attack by a religious faction, one party to these activities feels on some level that they are not being heard – that core beliefs or concerns that they harbor are not being sufficiently acknowledged.

Our predominant adversarial model of “justice” overwhelmingly operates in a way that allows no exploration of underlying precipitants of conflict. Attorneys are specifically trained to elicit “facts” from clients that they will then apply to the law in crafting a litigation strategy. Unfortunately, a client’s recitation of “facts” in reality often constitutes a “story,” and excludes subconscious motivations of one’s behavior.

In order to begin exploring these less salient motivations of one’s behavior, an environment must be created that fosters an air of openness, respect, and trust so that individuals can become willing to explore and articulate underlying thoughts and emotions that may have led to, or exacerbated, the conflict. The structure of a courtroom, and the nature of civil procedure and rules of evidence, are antithetical to the creation of an open environment in which litigants might otherwise feel safe in exploring more sensitive thoughts and emotions.

By contrast, among the benefits of mediation are ground rules specifically laid to establish an environment of respect. Sharply honed listening skills and ability to empathize will help an experienced mediator quickly begin to create an environment conducive to the exploration of more vulnerable thoughts and feelings of the parties. Not bound by rules of procedure and evidence, the parties can begin to articulate what is truly important to them. Often what comes to the surface are thoughts and feelings of which the parties themselves were consciously unaware. The seeds are then sewn for the crafting of a solution that can truly address the core needs of all involved.

One might say that any solution falling short of this process is really no solution at all.

To learn more about the benefits of holistic mediation, contact Holistic Lawyer and Mediator Michael Lubofsky at (415) 508-6263, or visit http://www.Holistic-Lawyer.com.

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Holistic Mediation Mediation

Mediation Versus Litigation: Addressing a Larger Societal Problem

Within a wide swath of civil litigation can be found a common denominator: The tendency of people in contemporary American society to sidestep responsibility for their own happiness and well-being, instead looking toward external factors to blame for undesirable outcomes or consequences.

Almost by definition, our predominant adversarial model of civil litigation encourages, cultivates, and solidifies blame.  For example, in filing an initial complaint to initiate a lawsuit, a plaintiff is basically required by procedural rules to allege facts that establish on their face what a defendant or defendants did wrong.  The plaintiff is then required to set forth a request for relief stating how these alleged improper or wrongful acts caused harm or loss.  Nowhere at this initial pleading stage would a plaintiff acknowledge any affirmative role that may have contributed to the harm of which he or she is complaining.

It is only at a more advanced stage of pleading that an adverse party may file a “Request for Admissions,” which would prompt a party to acknowledge that his/her/its actions or inactions may have contributed to the problem at hand.

So it often seems in a more broad societal context.  We seem conditioned to focus on external factors to explain our problems (and much of our happiness).  Many would maintain, however, that such thought-driven notions that attribute happiness or lack thereof to external factors are largely delusional.  Such a misguided orientation may go far in explaining why litigation “victories” resulting from the adversarial process seldom produce an enduring sense that the conflict has been resolved in any sort of optimal fashion.

In contrast, holistic law and mediation works to help dissolve defensiveness and entrenched conditioning to the point at which participants become better able to see through their misguided preconceptions.  They are then better able to objectively assess their acts or omissions that may have contributed to the current conflict.  At the same time, the cultivation of an empathic environment by the holistic lawyer or mediator facilitates this process as participants feel more understood and less judged for “mistakes” or “misunderstandings” that my have contributed to the conflict.

To learn  more about how holistic law and mediation can facilitate optimal, sustainable conflict resolution, contact Holistic Lawyer and Mediator Michael Lubofsky at (415) 508-6263, or visit http://www.Holistic-Lawyer.com.

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Compassion Holistic Divorce Holistic Mediation Mediation Mindfulness

The Transformational Potential of Mediation

In conducting more than two dozen mediation sessions in Alameda County Superior Court, what is most glaringly apparent is the extent to which mediation participants enter mediation with all-defined, hardened positions.  Moreover, these individuals almost always are convinced that their interpretations of some event or events that have taken place in the past are the “correct” or “right” interpretation, and that the opposing party is simply “wrong.”

Through extensive mediation training and experience, a professional mediator becomes increasingly able to identify when a participant appears “locked into” a position, and then employ sensitive listening and empathic skills that may soon begin to loosen the grip of tightly-held, heavily egoic, positions.  It is the dissolving of these firmly held positions that begins to shift a mediation focus from positions to interests.

Freed from the grip of ego, one can begin to entertain an increasingly expansive notion of “interest” to transcend one’s “self interest” which may have predominated at the outset of the mediation.  “Interest” can then begin to more fully encompass a spouse, a family, a community, or even all of life.  In this way, mediation can serve a transformational function as a springboard for previously untapped solutions that transcend self-interest and serve to move the participants, as well as society at large, forward in more sustainable ways.

To learn more about how mediation might work for you, contact Meditator and Holistic Lawyer Michael Lubofsky by calling (415) 508-6263, or by visiting http://www.mindfulaw.com.

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Holistic Mediation Mediation

Mediation versus Litigation: The Answer Becomes Clear

Where holistic law practice has at its core wisdom borne from a grounded sense of being, it is only within the mediation forum that individuals are afforded the freedom and flexibility to access this wisdom and have this wisdom guide participants toward optimal dispute resolution.

In contrast, formal litigation imposes strict rules (e.g., rules of evidence) that ultimately ensure that disputes are settled based largely on objectively verifiable events.  By definition, admissible evidence excludes intuitive knowledge and other phenomenon arguably behind the realm of human thought, including compassion and empathy, as salient factors to be considered by the parties when attempting to fashion a remedy to a dispute.

While litigating parties may, individually, evoke and consult with unverifiable sources of knowledge such as intuition, compassion, etc., in determining his or her individual litigation strategy, the litigation process itself is designed to eliminate discussion and consideration of such factors when both parties are together before the tribunal.  The parties are thus denied the opportunity to reevaluate their respective positions in light of inner wisdom accessed and articulated by other parties with what litigation would deem “adversarial interests.”

From an evolutionary standpoint, it is understandable that interpersonal dispute resolution grew into a system that basically extracted emotion and unverifiable feelings from the equation.  It is not difficult to imagine that in a lesser evolved form, such emotion and visceral sense was likely to lead to chaos and physical violence.

It is also conceivable, however, that as a species we have evolved to a point at which we are beginning to recognize truth as lying beyond thought and objectively verifiable facts.  Holistic law practice, by helping clients disidentify from learned conditioning and habitual reactions, can facilitate heightened access to this inner wisdom.  A properly orchestrated mediation forum can ensure that the inner wisdom of all interested parties is elicited and properly considered in sculpting optimal dispute resolution.

To learn more about holistic law practice and its applicability in the mediation context, contact Attorney Michael Lubofsky at (415) 508-6263 or visit http://www.mindfulaw.com.

 

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Holistic Divorce Holistic Philosophy Law Practice

Overcoming Self-Doubt in the Context of Legal Challenges

Whether in the throes of a divorce or family law dispute, criminal proceeding, or most any other type of litigation, the likelihood exists that certain allegations have been made that one has failed to conform his or her conduct to some level of expectation.  For most people, such allegations can instantaneously and unconsciously trigger defensive reactions that quickly serve to rob people of clarity needed to constructively and effectively deal with the realities of these situations.

The typical ego-driven defensive reactions in such a scenario will trigger responses aimed largely at discrediting these allegations and establishing to the contrary that it was the alleging party who was “wrong.”  Thus may begin a downward spiral of attack, defense, and self-doubt that the participants may soon find has significantly exacerbated their challenges.

The initial step in avoiding or curtailing this downward spiral is to take the time and make the space to sit with your current situation long enough to reestablish a grounded connection to being.  Through this process, you will come to an experiential appreciation that the allegations that have been made do not define you as an individual.  You can reconnect with your essential goodness.  You can regain some critical objectivity to your situation as well as empathy for others who are involved in and affected by this conflict.

The primary goal of holistic law practice is to help individuals reestablish their connection to a felt sense of being within the context of challenging legal proceedings.  In so doing, a legal strategy can be crafted and implemented that is far more likely to produce positive, and potentially transformative, results for all involved.  At the same time, clients will find that they have strengthened their abilities to more effectively deal with the inevitable ongoing challenges of life that will arise even after the current legal situation is resolved.

To learn more about holistic law practice, contact Holistic Lawyer Michael Lubofsky at (415) 508-6263, or visit http://www.Holistic-Lawyer.com.

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Holistic Philosophy Law Practice Mindfulness

Holistic Law: Blame and Attribution As a Means of Sidestepping Legal Problems

Through evolution, as an important means of survival, it was often critical when faced with challenges in meeting our basic needs that we were able to identify a cause in the environment that we could then act upon to remove the current obstacle.  In many of these primordial situations, if one were to just do nothing, he or she could be physically attacked by a hostile adversary or animal posing a direct threat to survival.

Thus, from an evolutionary psychology standpoint, it makes sense that he human ability to find external causes for difficult situations was critical for survival of the species.

As with many of our more ingrained coping strategies, however, our strong tendency towards identifying environmental factors as causes of challenging situations has become strongly habitual.  In contemporary society, we are seldom faced with immediate threats to our physical survival.  Nevertheless, when faced with difficult situations that prompt anxiety or fear, our conditioning often looks towards external causes that we may come to believe caused our current difficulties.

If this conditioned response mode is not met with a threshold of consciousness (i.e., grounding in present-moment experience), one can quickly become absorbed and seriously distracted with thought-driven stories about how this person or that person caused or brought about the threatening situation.  This tendency can soon lead to outward expressions of anger, blame, etc. as if these expressions might somehow alleviate the challenging situation.  In the process, however, one will become increasingly disconnected from present-moment experience and come to experience deeper unhappiness that, in itself, may prompt another cycle and layer of blame and attribution.

This type of cycle may be common within individuals involved in, or considering, legal action.  Whether involved in divorce, an employment law dispute, an accident that has caused physical injury, criminal prosecution of some type, etc., it is not difficult to imagine one easily becoming enmeshed in this blame and attribution cycle.  The extent to which this cycle gains momentum is the extent to which the individual is likely to overlook creative solutions to the current situation that might potentially serve to transform his or her life in truly positive ways.  Instead, decisions are likely to be made as to how one might exact revenge or retribution against the person, institutions, etc. that are considered responsible for the current situation.

Holistic law practice works with clients to, among other things, help temper this ingrained tendency towards blame and attribution and instead heighten one’s connection to present-moment experience.  It is within this heightened mindfulness that clients can identify optimal solutions to their challenging legal situations.  To learn more, contact Holistic Attorney Michael Lubofsky at (415) 508-6263, or visit http://www.holistic-lawyer.com.